Top 20 Swalwell Scandals: Spies, Lies, Dick Pics, and the Shart Heard Round the World
“Yes We Can… Smell That”
The word’s gone out. Whatever channel Democrats use to coordinate messaging is humming— and one thing is clear. Cali gubernatorial candidate Eric Swalwell has lost his protection blanket. His campaign is running on fumes, not dissimilar in smell to Eric’s on-air farts.
In no particular order, here are 20 of Eric’s dumbest moves (and this is by no means a complete list).
Fang Fang honeypot: Suspected Chinese Communist spy Christine “Fang Fang” Fang cultivated ties with then-Dublin councilman Swalwell starting around 2011, interacting at events for years. Eric, congrats, you’re the only guy who turned “honey trap” into “honey, I trapped myself.”
Fang Fang fundraising: Fang helped bundle and raise money for Swalwell’s 2014 congressional reelection campaign. She raised cash for Eric’s campaign and raised L’il Eric.
Fang Fang intern placement: Fang recommended and helped place at least one intern in Swalwell’s congressional office. So Eric got an intern from a Chinese spy—let me guess, another young female too?
Removed from House Intel Committee: Republicans booted Swalwell from the House Intelligence Committee in 2023 citing national security risks from the Fang Fang ties. Probably not the first time Eric’s been removed from something that actually required intelligence.
House Ethics cleared on Fang (sort of): The House Ethics Committee investigated his Fang interactions for two years and closed it in 2023 with no action. Cleared by Ethics, Eric? That’s like getting a participation trophy for almost committing treason—proud of you, champ.
2026 FBI Fang files drama: FBI Director Kash Patel reportedly pushed to release old investigative files on the Fang case; Swalwell sent a cease-and-desist letter claiming it was election interference. Threatening the FBI over your spy ex? Eric, even your threats are limp—kinda like the rest of you.
2019 MSNBC Fartgate: Loud fart sound heard during live Hardball interview with Chris Matthews; Swalwell denied it was him (blamed a mug/chair). You ripped ass on national TV and tried to blame the furniture—Eric, that’s the most honest thing you’ve ever produced in your entire career.
Mortgage fraud referral (2025): FHFA Director Bill Pulte criminally referred Swalwell to DOJ for alleged mortgage fraud involving millions in loans/refinancing based on false primary residence claims. Lying on mortgage papers to save a buck? Eric, even your fraud is basic—next you’ll be caught stealing office supplies.
Dropped mortgage lawsuit: Swalwell sued the FHFA director over the referral, then quietly dropped the suit in 2026. Classic Swalwell: all bark, no bite, and zero follow-through.
2019 alleged sexual assault of staffer: Former staffer (hired at 21) claims Swalwell sexually assaulted her in 2019 while she was too intoxicated to consent; reported she woke up naked in a hotel bed. A drunk 21-year-old staffer? Eric, even Epstein had better game than “let me drive you home and assault you.”
2024 alleged sexual assault of same ex-staffer: The same woman claims a second assault in 2024 at a charity event while she was again too drunk to consent; texts and medical records reviewed by reporters. Assaulted her twice—five years apart—Eric, you’re like a bad sequel nobody asked for.
Snapchat dick pics to staffer: The former staffer alleged Swalwell sent unsolicited genital images via Snapchat and asked for nudes in return. Sending dick pics to your own staffer on Snapchat? Eric’s photos: low-res and low-class.
CNN: four women allege misconduct: CNN reported four women (including the main accuser) described sexual misconduct—unsolicited explicit messages, nude photos, unwanted advances, and intoxicated encounters. Four women came forward—Eric, that’s not a scandal, that sounds like a crime spree.
Tried to kiss staffer in car: The accuser claimed Swalwell tried to kiss her in her car after a donor meeting and asked her to perform a sexual act. From congressman to Uber predator in one ride.
Campaign blew $300k+ on lawyers: Swalwell’s campaign paid over $300,000 to white-collar crime/employment defense attorneys in 2026. Dropping campaign cash on lawyers to cover your ass—Eric, that’s an expensive way to say “I’m guilty.”
FEC payment inconsistencies: Reports noted questionable or inconsistently described campaign payments (hundreds of thousands) to certain staffers.
Funny math on campaign filings? Eric, even your bookkeeping is as sloppy as your zipper.NDA contradiction: A former employee signed a non-disparagement agreement tied to an employment discrimination claim—directly contradicting Swalwell’s repeated “no NDAs ever” claims. Swore there were no NDAs, then one popped up—Eric, your lies are like your hairline: receding fast.
Helped Hunter Biden defy subpoena: In 2023 Swalwell reportedly helped reserve Capitol space for Hunter Biden’s defiant press conference during a House subpoena fight. Eric, you’re the only guy who can make the Bidens look like the honest ones.
Russia collusion hypocrisy: Spent years pushing Trump-Russia collusion theories while having undisclosed ties to a suspected Chinese spy. Screamed “Russian asset!” at Trump while spooning with a Chinese one—Eric, your hypocrisy is the only thing bigger than your ego.
2026 calls to resign/drop out: Multiple Democrats, including House leadership and CA rivals, called for Swalwell to drop his gubernatorial bid and resign from Congress after the sexual assault reports. Even your own party wants you gone—Eric, that’s not a comeback, that’s a mercy killing. Pack it up, spy-f***er.
And there you have it — twenty scandals, zero accountability, and one man who’s somehow still breathing oxygen in the U.S. Capitol. Eric, you’ve been caught with spies, dick pics, mortgage lies, and enough staffer trauma to fill a therapy group. Even your own party is begging you to disappear.
So do the country a favor: fart one last time on the way out, delete the Snapchat account, and go haunt some other zip code. The American people have officially run out of patience — and air freshener.
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